Vocabulary

To paraphrase xkcd:

Warning: this blog regularly contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), abrasive humour (which may be unsuitable for adults), and long words (which may be unsuitable for science majors).

Some may find the language used here offensive. If you find it more offensive than the packs of lies and mumbo-jumbo I regularly sound off about, then I would suggest that a little priority-checking is probably in order. For you, not me. Otherwise, I do not seek to use -phobic terms. Now, since some of the profanity I use may be construed as -phobic or insulting to people other than those it’s aimed at, or just downright weird, here’s a little vocabulary primer (to be expanded and updated as things progress):

Bozo bin

n. A blacklist; the place where recidivist Internet sociopaths are sent to die.

Denialist

n. A person who, in the face of all incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, persists in claiming something does not exist. This includes among other things: safe vaccines, the Holocaust, anthropogenic global warming, HIV/AIDS, evolution, fossil fuels are running out, (cont p. 94)

FPI

abbr. Fucking Prove It. Once you have carefully and patiently explained to someone why a particular piece of woo doesn’t have any measurable effect, provided references to studies and made it all very simple to understand, this is all that’s left to say when that person gets angry and continues to assert that it “worked for them” therefore it’s real medicine. Woo meisters (who have a financial interest in their woo) will bluster violently, inventing words and conspiracies like ‘scientism’, and generally try to distract attention from the simple fact that they cannot, in any way, Fucking Prove It cures anything at all. Also known as Show Me The Sausages.

Skeptic

n. Colonial misspelling of “sceptic” used by rationalists to describe themselves. Have the annoying habit of backing up their statements with logic and research, quoting relevant and reliable sources, and expecting you to do the same.

SO

abbr. Significant Other: one’s partner or alter ego. The one with all the common sense in a relationship, and I have been told to say I did not write that under duress. Ow.

-tard

suff. Refers to a person exhibiting vulgar, foolish or abusive behaviour that is grossly inconsistent with their intelligence, education or experience. Not to be confused with mental handicap or illness of any kind.

Therefore unicorns

My summary of the contorted reasoning regularly trotted out by woopologists (qv) and woomeisters (qv), which runs thusly, sometimes in as many words: Science cannot explain how X works, therefore X. Leaving aside the not-so-minor problem of the burden of proof that arises when X has been proved not to work, or even exist, this is akin to saying “science cannot explain the existence of stories about unicorns, therefore there are unicorns”. Anyone claiming that science has not yet caught up with their favourite vitalistic belief system is arguing therefore unicorns.

Thunk

v. To reason fallaciously from extreme Stupid; to use logic stemming from fantastic premises. Most forms of denialism and conspiracy theory replace thinking with thunking. Therefore unicorns (qv) is an example.of thunking.

Troll

n. Refers to a person exhibiting vulgar, ignorant and abusive behaviour, usually on a forum. By their acts ye shall know them: regurgitating lies and discredited hypotheses, misquoting others, ad hominem attacks, insults, atrocious spelling and grammar, ABUSE OF CAPS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! They are incapable of elementary logic. Unlike the -tard (q.v.), may not know better and may have mental health problems. Can also be dangerous, as some have become stalkers and issued threats of physical harm which they appeared capable of following up.

Twat

n. The sound made by a marathon runner’s unwashed sock filled with post-binge-drinking vomit hitting the face of a vicious fool and so, by extension, the vicious fool in question.

v. The act of posting Stupidity to a well-known microblogging service.

WCTB

abbr. A Wee Cup of Tea and a Biscuit. Traditional British remedy served with a sympathetic ear. Other beverages or snacks may be substituted, but the sympathetic ear is mandatory. The only form of complementary medicine that actually works when offered as an adjunct to real medicine.

Webshite

n. A website that is not only badly designed, but also purveys misinformation and/or dubious products.

Woo

n. Quackery, charlatanry, snake oil… Magic masquerading as science or medicine and equivalent to waving your hands and going “woo-woo” while wearing a silly hat. A term frequently used by Skeptics (q.v.)

Woobot

n. (1) A social media account that appears to exist solely to regurgitate lies and discredited hypotheses, often reposted as-is from other accounts/websites. (2) A spambot programmed to react to specific keywords; these are rife on Twitter.

Woomeister

n. A person or incorporated company that makes money from woo. Examples: Debby Bruck (homeopathy), Deepak Chopra (energy healing), Robert O. Young (magic water), Jim Humble (industrial bleach as a miracle cure) etc ad nauseam. Literally so, in quite a few cases.

Woopologist

n. A (presumably) real person who comments, usually in an erratic and ungrammatical manner, on blogs and online news articles, in favour of sCAM. Particularly outstanding ones may be considered wootards.

WTF

ejac. Pronounced either “Whaaat the..!” or “Wuh-Tuh-Fuh”. An expression of extreme disbelief, often accompanied by a banging of the forehead against the computer desk.

n. Standard unit of a points system used for calculating the amount of Stupid emanating from a given source.

WTFometer

n. An instrument for measuring the deviation from reality of any particular statement in context. In a worst case scenario may be used to beat the Stupid over the head until it stops.

YANA

abbr. You Are Not Alone. An expression familiar, but not exclusive, to fans of Derek Jacobi and Dr Who.