Gilbert & Sullivan fans will spot the reference.
As some day it may happen that a culprit must be found,
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list
Of pseudomedic whackjobs who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed – who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential famewhores who keep writing for HuffPo
All people who sell cat litter and claim it makes you go
All nurses who think three years’ study makes them PhDs
All acupuncture nuts who make pincushions of your knees
And all woomeisters who on spoiling therapy insist
They’d none of ‘em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed!
He’s got ‘em on the list, he’s got ‘em on the list;
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed; they’ll none of ‘em be missed.There’s the ionic water-seller, and the others of his race,
And the placenta-capsulist – I’ve got her on the list!
And the people who eat garlic raw and puff it in your face,
And the Scientologist! They never would be missed!
Then the homeopath who will claim, with enthusiastic tone,
All bad studies must show water has a memory of its own;
And the lady with the scents and things, who practises reiki,
And who’ll “send reiki to the past, but first you must pay her fee”
And that wretched childbirth junkie: the homebirth specialist
I don’t think she’d be missed; I’m sure she’d not he missed!He’s got her on the list, he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed; I’m sure she’ll not be missed!And that antiscience nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The anti-vax activist – I’ve got him on the list!
All chelationists, naturopaths, and fuckers-up of life
They’d none of ‘em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed.
And vibrational practitioners of the neo-hippy kind,
Such as – What Deep’ call him – Thing’em-bob, and likewise – Never-mind,
And the dowser bloke and What’s-her-name, and also You-know-who -
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of ‘em be missed, they’d none of ‘em be missed!You may put ‘em on the list, you may put ‘em on the list;
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed; they’ll none of ‘em be missed!
Freely adapted from The Mikado, inspired by a comment by Prometheus
