Yes, yes, I know. Don’t post often enough and all that crap. In my defence, I joined the WWDDTYDTY team and also set up a curation site with other sceptics over at Blogger. Ensuring everything is spellchecked and full of properly formatted links to interesting or important information takes up quite a bit of time. So I’ll admit to spreading myself somewhat thin, what with real life being remarkably eventful and opportunities for skiving off forming a positive glut on the market. Hasn’t stopped the nutters, weirdos and really fucking nasty little creeps, of course. A glance at the search terms leading people to the main blog, Plague of Mice, for the last 90 days is predictably depressing.
By far the most popular? Various combinations of:
homeopathy and Ebola
– presumably drawn by this. One seeker after wisdom produced the gloriously misspelled:
letter for who from homeopaths for enola virious treatment
Of course, our visitor may have been researching a little-known aspect of a video game. One can never quite be sure. Some of it is frankly disturbing, such as:
Bloody sugar mice at Christmas are bad enough, but I suppose somebody will decide it’s a great idea after the chicken pox lollipops. Nevertheless, in the candy crackpottery section my favourite has to be:
jelly beans can cure ebola
I think that corresponds to the needs of the person looking for evidence proof of stupidity. There also seem to be a few irremediable morons looking to the MMS/alkaline water scammers to produce the magical cure for a disease the vast majority of humanity will, thankfully, never come within 10 miles of. However, before we leave the Old Faithful of fuckwittery that is homeopathy, here are three more gems to ponder:
plague of 1913 1914 homeopathy (do they mean the ‘flu pandemic?)
the plague and homeopathy
homeopathy ways to get rid of mice
How do you use homeopathy to get rid of mice? Round ’em up and make them take a sugar pill every two hours until they get so pissed off at you they fuck off to infest another place? I think you’ll find the best way is putting food in hermetically sealed containers at all times, using the homeopathy with lots of soap to scrub down surfaces where crumbs may linger, and – if all else fails – investing in a cat from the local shelter does the trick quite spectacularly.
Incredibly nasty bit of work Errol Denton, convicted liar and fraud, is doubtless responsible for these: alan henness beheaded and josephine jones is a dangerous liar. Both these perfectly harmless and conscientious people were part of a campaign to expose Denton’s own lucrative and dangerous scam to the world. The charlatan promptly resorted to attempting to blacken names and bully innocents in a desperate race to save his revenue stream before Sgt Plod came calling.
On to less stomach-churning subjects:
how to infuse dark ki in objects
That’ll be dark reiki, I presume, of which adepts dare only whisper in affright. No, look, Lovecraftian jokes aside, there really is a concept of dark reiki. Of course there fucking is. It’s a religion, therefore its view of the world is fundamentally manichean and there’s always some dork who secretly dreams of being Darth Vader.
Let me know if anyone ever manages it. I reckon that would be the only reiki practitioner capable of producing:
a good affirmation for helping to clear a home from mice
I kid you not.
Right, this next one turned up, but I haven’t a clue what it refers to:
Answers on a postcard please, etc. And if you can translate this
voice surch hewbew yaweh and yaw shoue a
you’ll get an extra point. It may be what Yondu says to the Broker until he gets an answer to his question, of course. Great film that, looking forward to the sequel.
We now move on to the frankly weird. Somebody, somewhere apparently thinks this is possible:
abortion through mantra& yoga
Well, I suppose it’s no more completely fucking stupid than the Biblical recipe for abortion. It’s about as likely to be as effective as dark reiki. Of the three forms of fuckwittery, the OT one is most likely to have an effect, because who knows what’s been slipped into that “tabernacle dust” mixture?
And last of all, because it’s the season of joy and thanksgiving, one that never fails to make me angry:
can teen sexual orientation change with homeopathy
No it fucking can’t, you double moron. First of all, homeopathy is a load of ineffective bollocks, whatever the malady. Secondly, sexual orientation isn’t an illness and it can’t be changed.
A Happy New Year to all the homeless LGBT teenagers out there, whose families forced them onto the street. They’re the lucky ones.
Happy New Year to everyone in fact. Have one of these: the weirdest tutu ever detected by science.
I reckon I need one.