Image by BowtrolColonCleanseScam via Flickr
I have no desire to actually research this particular detail, but sometimes I do wonder just how long the mantra of “make people shit and get rich” (© Spike Milligan) has really been around. I suspect it’s a long, long time. Quite possibly yer neolithic shaman, not having the faintest idea how to treat an illness, gave the patient a powerful herbal laxative on the basis that it might not cure them, but by Jove it would take their minds off what ailed them.
Apparently it’s still a good selling point, since the number of webshites (pun intended) hawking detox and colon cleansing is impressively, even terrifyingly, high. Type the words “colon cleansing” into a search engine and see how many results you get. I’ll pick on Bowtrol Colon Health, for the simple reason that they have been dumb enough to punt their woo on Twitter and my faithful trawl net scooped them up.
If anyone has any doubts about the total lack of scientific basis for detox and colonic cleansing, they might like to look at this article on Quackwatch. It’s pretty easy to read, thorough and doesn’t pull any punches while at the same time not going over the top. Otherwise, I shall assume you are fully comfortable with the notion that our bodies do not naturally accumulate undefined ‘toxins’ and that Leaky Gut Syndrome is a woo term invented in order to sell more quack detox treatments to the gullible.
In case anyone thinks I am being unkind or unfair by picking on this site, and what’s the harm etc., on the front page of this site is the standard FDA-imposed warning displayed by those selling potentially harmful ‘treatments’:
Hello, I'm not a Doctor. Basically: run!
So, first up: a product for “sensitive digestion”, or as the more down to earth would put it, a sore gut. Click on the link to find out more and there’s a photo of a pretty, smiling girl; another of a gent who appears to have heartburn; the obligatory gushing testimonials; and a randomish quote attributed to CNN: ”Because it can be hard to get good bacteria through diet alone, many people are turning to supplements. And increasingly, food companies are finding ways to add good bacteria to more of their products”. Not only does this have bugger all to do with the price of fish, it’s actively misleading, as further investigation shows this amazing product to be composed of activated charcoal and Bentonite clay.
Activated charcoal is a traditional remedy for upset stomachs, although I’m not convinced it’s as useful as claimed except for food poisoning. Bentonite clay is apparently often used as cat litter. Mmm scrum-diddly-umptious. Both are highly absorbent, and therefore not the sort of thing you should be taking regularly without medical supervision. Certainly not for a month, which is the minimum quantity available for the modest sum of $30. Oh, and they’ll sign you up to their Weight Management Club whether you want it or not.
Next? Probiotics! Same testimonials as for the activated charcoal, same unreferenced media quotes and the following blurb:
Bowtrol Probiotic contains 9 Billion live probiotic cells, more than 5 times the live active cultures typically found in yogurt, but without the sugar and calories. Unlike many other probiotics, the Bowtrol Probiotic is specially designed to survive the acidic stomach environment and be delivered to the intestines.
Since the definition of probiotics is bacteria that help maintain the natural balance of organisms (microflora) in the intestines, I suspect we can safely dismiss that statement as advertising bullshittery. Of course, one might also suggest that if the same bacteria can be found in yogurt (I looked at the ingredients: they are), wouldn’t it be just as effective, cheaper and more fun to actually eat yogurt? Does anyone really need 5 times the amount found in yogurt on a permanent basis?
Improved digestion, better elimination, less constipation, gas, bloating and indigestion
Well yes, if you eat a more balanced diet that’s what you’ll get. Losing weight can help as well – oh look, ‘free’ membership of the Weight Management Club! I wonder if they’re trying to psychologically lock people into their system?
A deeper understanding of how to take care of yourself with these new-found skills
Pure WTF. Almost as good as the loony trying to convince me the Universe is sentient on Twitter this afternoon. Farting less is a skill! Going regular is a social accomplishment. Not burping gives you a deeper understanding of yourself.
At this point, I understand that I need a stiff drink. Don’t go ‘way now.
On to the third head of this particular three-headed quack monster, more Ghidorah than Cerberus, however fluffy they try to sound. Ye Olde Colon Cleanse!
Bowtrol is an all natural herbal colon cleansing treatment that has changed thousands of people’s lives through our effective internal cleansing. Bowtrol was also designed for people suffering from colon health. Bowtrol maximizes one’s elimination without causing loose stool or uncomfortable cramping via frequent healthy bowel movements while assisting in cleansing the vital organs and lymphatic system.
Bowtrol was also designed for people suffering from constipation and maximizes colon health
Any guesses as to what it contains? Come on, I’m sure your Gran can answer this one without thinking. Yes, cascara, senna and rhubarb: all plants that have been used as laxatives for millenia. The only one that’s missing is figs, but that’s still quite a cocktail. The capsules contain other ingredients, but I doubt they’d have time to act during their rapid transit through the gut as a result of the diarrhetics. This is a shame, since it also contains a couple of traditional vermifuges (e.g. garlic), because apparently (Unattributed Media Quote Of The Century):
“Human waste is a sinister world of monstrous creatures that feed on living flesh- Parasites”
Parasites feed on Humans and your body may house more than you know. The US alone contains widespread parasites across the nation.”
Oh there is a God. There must be: that one is just too easy. Which parasites to point out first? GOP Presidential candidates? Woo vendors? Religious fundies? Reality TV celebs? Lobbyists? Cynical arseholes who use unfounded and irrational fear mongering to sell overpriced medicines while passing them off as diet supplements?
In the meantime, try to lay off the cat litter. I’m going to get drunk.
Related articles
- Study Dumps Colon Cleansing as Useless and Dangerous (livescience.com)
- Colon Cleansing Deemed Unsafe: 3 Healthier Ways to Detox (self.com)
- Detox danger: Trendy colon cleansing a risky ritual (msnbc.msn.com)
- Colon Cleansing May Be Risky, Study Finds (webmd.com)
- Study Says Avoid Colon Cleanses (scientificamerican.com)
- Colon cleansing has no benefit but many side effects including vomiting and death (medicalxpress.com)
- Colon Cleansing? Serious Side Effects Related To The Procedure (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Colon Cleansing: Not So Cleansing After All (healthland.time.com)
